Why do I do what I do?

I've read a few blog posts recently and I'm reading a book about coming out later in life that have me thinking (again) about chastity. Why do I do it?

Is is because I'm a sub at heart? Was I born this way (gay sub)?

Am I a control freak? Do I want to control my sexuality? Am I ashamed? Do I want to punish myself?

Is it because I'm a bit of an exhibitionist? Like a tattoo or a leather collar?

I don't know. What's your reason?

"Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight"

I don't know if I've mentioned this on this blog before, but I led a straight life for many years--up until I was in my later 40s. I was married and had children. Growing up in the 50s in a religious home didn't offer a lot of options. The short version was I always knew inside that I was gay, I thought I could keep it controlled. At some point I couldn't live the lie.

There's a whole lot more to the story, but I was told about a new book, "Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight" written by Lauren Olsen, MD. Lauren is a psychologist who came out later in life and has studied men who have similar stories. I think there are lots of us. We don't all have the same story: some come out sooner and some never come out.

I'm not finished with the book and I'll be happy to give a full report once I've digested it. But I like to so far.